Things That Make You Go Hmm...

First I had that Verizon fiasco, next I get a call from a customer who threatens to take legal action against the company I work for. (He's just having a bad day it's a long uninteresting story.)

Then Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson are kaput? Katie Holmes is pregnant, and Lindsay Lohan totaled her Mercedes!

Is nothing sacred?

I have to rant here before I blow up! I hate Verizon. Last year, I was thinking about starting a business. I called Verizon to inquire about yellow pages advertising. I spoke to a lying cheat of a sales rep named Richard Cassanova.

Anyway, he took my information and said now we can verify that I have all of your information correct, and when you call me back after you start the business I will have everything ready.

I never started the business, and that guy tricked me and took me to third party verification. No one there will return my calls. He was let go about a month after this happened. I'm sure because he tricked other clients as well.

Now a collection agency says I owe them $1500 and I am so frustrated! They are accusing me of lying. I am telling the truth and to top it all off, they built a website without my permission with my work phone number as the contact number! I only found out about it because I was contacted by someone. So not only did they wrongly stick me with a $1500 bill, they put my job in jeopardy.

Don't ever call them asking any questions, you may unknowingly give up your first born. They will come to get it.

I am drawing this conclusion. Those pesky democrats are so opposed to President Bush's Social Security Reform they will do anything to get an "I told you so."

They are killing the elderly one tragedy at a time. First, there was the nursing home in Louisiana, then The Bus tragedy in Texas, and now it's a boat in upstate New York.

It's like they will do anything to keep the money in Social Security. I think planes are next.

On a serious note, what is happening here? It's just so sad that our precious elderly American people are dying so tragically.

I'm no redneck. I am quite the opposite. I've traveled the world. Lived in Italy and Hawaii but for some reason I keep coming back here to Pennsylvania. I guess I just need new material to write about.

I know this chick, (we are no longer friends but that is another story) her name is Chanin. I got to thinking about her because she had an experience last year on the same road that I watched a deer die last night .

It was four o'clock in the morning and she was coming home from work. Chanin was out of her car and in the field. She had left her trunk open, which caused some suspicion because the trunk light was on. As she puts it, "I should have closed my trunk but I was in a hurry."

A cop pulled over and was shining his flashlight into the field. Chanin is emerging from the darkness carrying a rag and an extension cord. Keep in mind, it's four o'clock in the morning on a weeknight.

The cop says "What is going on here?" Chanin red faced responds with "You're never going to believe this officer, but I was choking a possum." "You're right, I'm not going to believe that." was his response. "Well, before you think I'm totally crazy, let me explain." Said Chanin. She was real nervous so she started talking fast. "I was on my way home from work, and there was this possum. It had been hit by a car. It was dying a slow and painful death. I wanted to put it out of its misery."

"So, I had this rag and extension cord in my trunk and I grabbed them. I put the rag over his head and extension cord around his neck and drug him into the field. I didn't want him in the street to die without dignity. I wanted to get him off of the road where he could rest in peace. I knew he wouldn't live, and he was suffering so badly."

"I did start to think I made the wrong decision when that darn thing wouldn't die. Do you know how hard it is to choke a possum? Those suckers are tough. You're not going to give me a ticket are you?"

At this point the officer was laughing, and saying she was the craziest girl he had ever met and the story was so wild it had to be true. The policeman went out to the field and saw the dead possum and he knew Chanin was telling the truth. He let her off with a warning, "No more choking possum in the middle of the night ya hear?"

The end. Oh, and this is a TRUE story, I couldn't make this stuff up. I'm not that talented.

Last night I was on my way home from work, and I saw the most horrific sight. I saw a deer dying an agonizing death. It still brings tears to my eyes. It had been hit by a car, and was in shock. It was rolling back and forth with its neck stretched upwards for what seemed like a mile. I started freaking out, and my first instinct was to go run over it with my SUV. I didn't want to hurt it more, so I didn't. I just wanted to end the suffering.

I quickly called 911, and they put me through to the state police. I wanted them to come shoot the deer. About one mile ahead I saw the car. It wasn't smashed too badly. Everyone was OK, it was just a broken headlight.

I passed the deer again on my way back to work this morning. It was on the side of the road and beginning to bloat. Why didn't they call the game commissioner to pick up the carcass? I should have called my Dad, he would have come with his truck, shot it and taken it to the game commissioner.

My Dad can be quite the redneck. When him and my mother first split up all the screens in the house were out of the windows, and his shot guns were lined up right next to them. He was shooting groundhogs from inside the house! For the record, I don't condone shooting groundhogs for target practice. But you can't change the mind of someone on a mission to drown his sorrows and live like a bachelor. A bachelor redneck that is.

My Dad is not unusual. He is like many other of the people around here. So my question is, with all the dang rednecks around why does that poor deer have to rot on the side of the road? Someone could have fed their family for months with that meat.

Where the heck is a redneck when you need one?

I thought I would like to work for Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia. Until she made that comment on The Apprentice Martha Stewart last week. "If you cry you're out of here. Women in business don't cry." Ouch, I guess I just don't fit in.

I don't know why, but I cry so easily. It's annoying actually. I have a difficult time watching the news. I sit there in tears.

The funny thing is, if someone says something bad about me, it hardly affects me at all. I am very strong that way. I cry for others.

I'm a very loving person, so I'm thinking that is why I am so sensitive. I would prefer if I didn't tear up so much. I see a dead cat on the road, I cry. I think, that is somebody's pet and they are going to drive by and see it.

I'm very loyal and conscientious. I work very hard, and I'm good at business. I guess I have to make my own job.

Let the experiment begin.

I don't get it how guys can be so cheesey and think they are cool. It's incredibly lame when a dude stares and makes some corny comment.

You think that is going to get you any girls? You need to make a girl feel special. Anytime one of those cheeseballs pays me attention, I know they are skankin' on every chick in sight.

Here's a tip lameo's. You're creepy, shut your mouth. Even a fool is considered wise when he keeps his mouth shut.

I try. I really do. But it seems no matter what I do, I'm just not as stylish as I once was. I always try and carry a great bag. Even if I'm not dressed to kill, at least I have a killer bag. Or so I thought I did.

I went to the GAP last week, and bought what I thought was a cute bag. It's the canvas hobo sling. I didn't get a single compliment on it. But I was thinking, they're just not ready for this yet. I'm just ahead of the times.

And then it happened. Someone asked me if I was delivering newspapers. How sad. I'm not ahead of The Times, I'm delivering them.

In case you missed it, click on the black box and watch as Tom Cruise kills Oprah.

It's official. Summer is over. I can hear The Boys of Summer playing in the background in my head. I always have that Don Henley song in my head as I reminisce about the summers end. Today is the last day of Summer. Nobody on the road. Nobody on the beach. I feel it in the air. The summers out of reach...

Collective sigh.

Today I was watching an old rerun of The Cosby show. The episode was called "The Prom". I couldn't believe it when in walked Theo's friends and one of them was Adam Sandler! I'm a Sandman fan, I'll admit it. To see the pictures click here.

I didn't realize it was a recurring role. He appeared a few times throughout the 80's as Theo's friend Smitty.

I can't believe I'm going to say this. I absolutely adore Britney Spears' new fragrance. It reminds me of high school. You know, when you had all the best outfits, and you put a lot of effort into your appearance. When I smell it, it takes me back to that time.

This morning, I was repeatedly insulted. There was this woman, in her late fifties, maybe early sixties. She said "can I ask you a question about computers?" "My knowledge is limited. I am in sales, not technical assistance, but I'll do my best." Was my reply. She has AOL and wants to send an e-mail to someone that has an e-mail address with my company.

I kept telling her that I don't sell America Online and that it was a technical question for them. I'm not an idiot so I gave her my hypothesis on the situation. I gave my opinion because she kept pressing me with the question. She then proceeded to tell me she had been using computers her entire life. I guess she had been using the Internet for over 50 years too. What I was really thinking was, if you mean two tin cans and a string that doesn't really count.

My point is, I don't understand why people ask questions when they know it all anyway. She kept telling me, no, you are wrong. Even when she was asking questions in my area of expertise. (They had to do with the company I work for.)

I would have gotten upset about this if it had not been so sad. Next time someone offends you, try to look not at what they do to you. Look at them as who they are. They have to live with themselves daily. It's a moment of offense for us, versus the lifetime offense that is them. Sad but true.

I thought today was the day that Lil' Kim was supposed to go to prison. I haven't read any news about it. She was supposed to turn herself in to authorities on September 19, 2005.

I hope things go well for her as they did for Martha Stewart and she comes out of there a better and stronger person. We shall see in a year and a day when she gets out of there.

Listen up everyone! You can now get Martha Stewarts Poncho You can buy this cute and trendy poncho for yourself and best of all, all of the proceeds go to Hurricane Katrina Victims and women in need.

Go on with your bad self MDiddy.

Brittney Spears gives birth to a bouncing baby boy. I can hardly believe she gave him a normal name like Sean Preston Federline Spears. I thought she of all people would give him some whacked out celebrity baby name.

Lets all raise a Cheeto To baby Spederline Sean Preston! To see the family portrait click here.

Don't ask me why, but I got so offended. Recently, I called a friend of a friend. Basically I was relaying a message. This person that I was told to call, he didn't believe me. He said I was a lying.

I was so offended. That is so strange to me. Why would someone call me a liar? Why would I care what someone I didn't know had to say about me?

Then it dawned on me. God is perfect. He cannot lie, yet we as people doubt him every day. Now I know why without faith it is impossible to please God. If we don't have faith, are we calling God a liar? Are we saying that his word is not true? God is not a man that he should lie. I finally get that.

I wish I would have found this sooner, but better late than never right?

Federated Department Stores and The May Company will match your donations for Hurricane Katrina Victims up to a total of one million dollars.

To make a donation through Federated Department Stores and The May Company or for more information please click Here.

I'm so proud of Philadelphia. It really is The City of Brotherly Love.

Mayor John Street has really opened up the city to the Hurricane Katrina victims. It's called Project Brotherly Love. I've been watching the news for days as he has been pleading with the people to come here because "we want to help".

It just moves me the generosity that Philadelphia is showing. They converted the old Wanamaker school into a sort of holding area. There are cots, computer stations, tv's, pool tables, toys, clothes, our doctors and nurses were there to help, the list goes on and on. It's a beautiful thing.

I watched as city workers took evacuees on tours of the city to relax. They sent them on a trolley ride of the city. The city quickly rallied together and renovated apartments and condos.

It was so exciting to watch them go through the apartments with evacuees and say "who wants this one" and a man raised his hand and said I will take it, my wife will be along later. She is on dialysis.

Everyone was cheering as the housing was given out. The mayor said "We will find a way to help these people." I believe they will too.

I saw private citizens donate their rental units to the victims. That really is why we accumulate wealth isn't it? To help others. It is what truly makes you feel good. Not just to accumulate more stuff.

I later watched the local news, and one of the Evacuees was in a barber shop in Philly, receiving some much deserved pampering. Everyone sitting around the barber shop was talking story with him. It was really sweet. One thing that really stuck in my mind was when this dear gentleman said "I'm getting spoiled here. If this keeps up I'm not leaving!"

This is the same city I had ducked gunfire in the street more than ten years ago. I'm thrilled with the progress. There is a spirit of love in that city. Benjamin Franklin would be proud.

Just a few weeks ago, I was trying on shoes. I needed to choose between two colors. I had an idea that one color was better than the other, but I really couldn't tell because the lighting wasn't great and neither was the mirror.

The sales lady told me that both were so great and one color made me look so classy, while the other one looked perfect for my feet.

I believed her. She said she would give me a great price if I took them both. The price was good, but I only NEEDED one pair. I don't like to have excess.

I succumbed to the pressure and now have two pairs of shoes.

When I got home in front of a good mirror, I realized the white pair looked horrible on me.

That was when I realized I'd been sold. That was a lose, lose situation.

She may have sold two pairs of shoes that day, but lost all of my future business.