Saturday, August 12, 2006

You Think You're Family Is Complicated, Try Mine

I've been wanting to do this for awhile now. Whenever I mention my family to any of my friends, they can never get it straight. I have to explain for a half an hour and they are still confused.

Then, I had a request for a "Flow Chart", and I thought, hey, what a great idea...

I know, you're probably thinking, why do you need a flow chart? Read on, and you will see why.

My Biological Mother: Susan
Born to an Italian Father, and a Polish Mother, so she is half Italian, half Polish.

Not so bad.

My Biological Father: Dave
Born to a Polish Father, and an Italian Mother, so he is half Italian, half Polish.

Making me half Italian, half Polish, sounds simple right?

When I was three, my parents divorced, my mother remarried, "Larry" who is 100% Pennsylvania Dutch. He adopted me by age 5. So whenever I say "Dad" that's who I am talking about. My Dad is Dutch, but I'm not, and now that explains that question.

Larry had a son from a previous marriage named Gary. So that is one brother.

Then, my Mother and Father (Larry) had my Sister, Leanne. So when I tell people my sister is Dutch, but I'm not, that explains the question. "But you have the same Dad???" "Yeah, but I'm half Italian, and half Polish."

It still wouldn't be so difficult to understand, but when I turned 21,my parents divorced, and my biological parents remarried, making me now have a "biological stepfather". Very strange I know. I call him Dave, because I don't know him as a father at all. I hadn't seen him for 18 years. It's all good, he's just not my Dad.

Dave remarried a 100% Pennsylvania Dutch woman when he and my Mother initially split up when I was three. Her name is Roxanne.

Roxanne and Dave (the biological step father) had three boys, Dave Jr., Dominick, and Derrick, so that's four brothers and one sister SO FAR.

Try to keep up here, because after my Mom and Dave remarried, my Dad did too.

He married Kerry, who is Italian and Pennsylvania Dutch, just how much of each I'm not sure. It doesn't really matter anyway, but it's part of the pattern.

Kerry had a daughter from a previous relationship named Rachel. My Dad adopted Rachel (just like me) so now I have two sisters. I don't know Rachels biological fathers name, but I bet it starts with an R. See a pattern here? That was good of the parents to help us out by matching the first letter of the child's name to the birth Fathers name. Well, except for Gary, but it rhymes with Larry, so it still helps.

But then... My Dad and Kerry had Larissa, my next sister, and finally about two months ago, Lucy was born, making my fourth sister.

Whew... So Kerry's my Stepmother, Larry's my Dad, Susan is my Mother, and Dave is my biological Stepfather.

I have four brothers (three half brothers, one by my adoption) and four sisters (one half sister and three by adoption) and I think that about covers it.

One thing I almost forgot, Kerrys Sister is married to my Cousin Joey. He's my "cousin uncle". That is another situation I always have to explain.

It's actually not as bad as it sounds. Joey's Mother is my maternal Aunt and Liz is my Stepmothers Sister, so they're not related. Once my Mom and Dad divorced, I guess Joey wasn't my Dad's nephew anymore.

My Grandparents were never divorced. None of them. All three sets of them remain or remained married.

What a difference a generation makes. Any questions?


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