Friday, January 06, 2006

A New Take On Table Manners

(Image from

We all know the basics, don't talk with your mouth full, no elbows on the table, chew your food properly.

That's not what I'm talking about here. I'm talking about aesthetics. I'm talking about people looking like dinosaurs devouring chickens.

Lately I have been noticing how ugly people look when they eat. I now have sound effects going through my head when I see people with their giant chomps, rips, and huge bites.

It all started with when I was watching Oprah's Favorite Things show.

Whenever they put the camera on the audience, they looked so hideous when they were eating! Giant bites, food falling down their chins, laughing as food fell out of their mouths. Chewing with the ugliest look on their faces on National TV!

I was like, dag! I hope I don't look like that when I eat. I hope I at least look dignified when I'm eating and not like some rabbit dog.

Nicole Richie looks so bizarre when she eats. I don't think it has anything to do with her supposed eating disorder. Girlfriend just needs a mirror.

So here is my idea. I am going to put a mirror in front of my kitchen table, and watch myself when I eat to make sure I don't look ugly. I think that would be a good way for parents to teach their kids to eat pretty.

Remember your first date? Remember how nervous you were at dinner. Yeah, me too. I ordered the soup to keep it simple.

So go prop up a mirror in the kitchen and we can make this world a prettier place, one bite at a time!

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