Things That Make You Go Hmm...

Today I got hit on at work. It's strange enough when you get hit on by a dude when you are engaged to be married. When you're working, it's double strange. After you gave him your phone number it's triple strange.

What tends to creep me out is when I spend my time with a person under the assumption they are interested in my company's products or services, only to find out at the end, they really just wanted my phone number.

It's really touchy with my job because I always have to give out my business card which includes my cell phone number. My livelihood depends on it. So it gets quadruple strange when a "customer" calls me for a date when I'm with my fiance Fredi. I have to keep my cool and be professional, but I have a personal life too and need to be respectful. As part of my job, I have to be on call from 8:00 AM until 10:00 PM seven days a week.

So Fredi sits there and has no idea someone is asking me on a date. I'm turning red faced and squirming trying to tactfully turn the guy down.

In the end I always explain it to Fredi and he is fine with it. He knows how I am and that he is the only one for me, but that doesn't make it any less uncomfortable.

I guess I should write a disclaimer. My fiance who is way wiser than I, or should I say me. I don't know. Anyway, my fiance says I better be careful for dissing Madonna. She has lots of money, top notch lawyers, and I'm well, me.

Anyway, I know I gave a big dis to Madonna by making fun of her. I was going to call your line 1-888-2-CONFESS, to confess but that may be just looking for trouble. Madonna, if you or your lawyers somehow see this, um I was joking. Yeah, that's what I was doing, joking. We square now? Oh, and good luck with your album;) That aught to do it.

I like to call myself unique for not doing a few things. People may think of me as strange, but perception is in the eye of the beholder.

I never drank iced tea. As a child I just never tried it. I've always been a water drinker, and now at my age to say I've never tasted iced tea is great for like three seconds of attention. I thought that had to be the most random thing. Until I met Saev. She's my best friend. She had me beat, she had never left the island of Oahu.

I asked her, is that so you can get some shock value from people, like me with iced tea? Saev said no, she just didn't leave the island because of her commitments. Then she had to go to Maui for work, and now I've got her beat again because I still didn't drink iced tea. Yeah baby, I'm iced cool.

I was watching TV the other day, and Madonna said she doesn't let her kids watch TV. That was a slap in the face. Here she is on television saying that TV is garbage. I'm watching her on TV so what's up with that? I read between the lines, what Madonna was really saying was, and I fake quote "You watch TV so you are stupid. So stupid in fact, that I make money from you watching me. I'm not stupid, I don't support people by watching their trash, nor do I allow my children to watch it. I'm better than you. You are not on TV and if you were, I wouldn't watch you anyway. I'm laughing at you, all the way to the bank."

TV in itself is not bad. Of course there is plenty of trash on television, don't watch the trash. Television can be very educational. Lets say you are an aspiring soccer player. You watch the soccer channel to learn from the best players in the world. Not everyone is like Mrs. Guy Ritchie and can afford a top notch soccer trainer.

Last I checked, movies go to Television eventually right? Madonnas husband is a Movie producer. Is she saying his work is trash too? I mean, I know hers can be quite trashy, but I'm not familiar with Guy Ritchie's work.

I'm really surprised she didn't get any bad press for her comments. I bet her next endeavor is going to be funding and owning The Kaballah Channel. I wonder if she would let her kids watch that?

Today I decided I was going to create an audioblog of this blog. I guess what made me come to that conclusion was that I like reading my posts to people. They seem to laugh more when I read it to them, I can convey my emotion better. Who am I kidding, I just want attention.

So now you can have Things That Make You Go Hmm, To Go. You can download it to your iPod or MP3 player and listen on your way to work, or where ever it is you are going. I hope you like it!

Think of the melody to The Farmer In The Dell...

I called nine one one
I called nine one one
I called nine one one
on my neighbors last night

The police went to their house
The police went to their house
The police went to their house
and told them to shut up

I can't believe I did that. I hate confrontation. I have been putting up with those people since they moved next door last January.

They wouldn't shut up (as usual), and it was after midnight. First I asked them nicely to be quiet, they got louder. Then I started to yell to them to be quiet. Well, that didn't sit too well with them either. They started trying to scare me by banging on my walls. They were banging so hard the pictures started shaking and I thought a fist was going to come through my wall.

Don't mess with a 350 pound redneck when he is angry! I let the professionals deal with it. At least I got a song out of it.

A few years ago I took my Grammy to Hawaii. I started thinking about that trip today because I saw a kukui nut lei in Strawbridges. Instantly I heard my Grandmothers voice in my head saying "I like your nuts". For her birthday I took her to a luau. We had a male tour guide. She points at his kukui nut lei and says "I like your nuts". The whole front of the bus was laughing. I'm glad I can now look back at the trip with a smile.

Let me start from the beginning. A few years before the Hawaii trip my Grandmother had a stroke. She now has a shunt in her brain, and oftentimes she reminds me of Sofia from The Golden Girls. She now lies, says off the wall things, and is just not right upstairs. I decided I would take her on the trip because she had never been to Hawaii. Hawaii is my second home, so I thought it would be fun for the two of us to spend quality time together.

It turned out, she was in her wheelchair and I had to push her all over the island. I'm talking miles. So many miles that I started to hemorrhage. I told her I needed a break because I was hemorrhaging, and she told me I was weak. I said "I pushed you two hundred miles in the last ten days, I'm tired!" She didn't give me a break. I felt bad, she's an old lady and this may be the only trip she will ever get to make to Hawaii, so I continued to sacrifice.

I pushed her butt through the International Market Place, from Waikiki to Honolulu, Ross stores, Hilo Hatties, The Dole Cannery, and on and on. She didn't really want to take a cab or ride The Bus. She wanted to see the sights and be outside.

I guess what started bugging me is that we were out searching for a dress for my Great-Grandmother. My Grammy was being so picky about which one she was getting for her. We went from shop to shop to find the perfect mumu. I remember one sales woman said to me "What size is she?" Me being exhausted and out of patience said, "The smallest ya got, she's DEAD!" The sales lady was shocked. My Grandmother is hard of hearing so she didn't hear me when I said that.

Back at the Hotel, I tried to gently explain to my Grammy that I didn't mind taking her shopping, but I didn't want to schlep around town shopping for a dead woman. Somehow my Mother brainwashed my Grandmother that her mother will be coming back to life one of these days. Because of the stroke, my Grandmother believes her. Incidentally my Mother never had a stroke, she's just nuts.

Anyway, I finally got my Grandmother to agree to renting a car. I threw her wheelchair in the back of the car and off we went. I got to rest the whole time I was driving! We hit the North Shore and watched the waves crash on the beach.

Now, I'm so glad I had that trip with Grammy. During the trip, I would lie in bed at night fantasizing about slitting the tires of her wheel chair. To this day she says that trip was "The trip of her life." At least I gave her that.

When we got back home to Pennsylvania I called my Aunt and told her how difficult a time I had with the wheelchair. And I asked her "Why don't you have an electric wheelchair for her?" She told me, "Oh the wheelchair was just for the trip. I thought it would be easier for you. She can walk on her own, she doesn't need a wheelchair."

That Grammy! She even made me push her from the bed to the bathroom! She didn't walk a step for the entire trip. She totally lied and made me push her butt all over the island of Oahu!

10. Peace signs annoy me. Drawings and hand signals, and I'm not exactly sure why.
9. I have a biological Step-Father.
8. I learned to read in one hour, when I was four.
7. I think Harry Potter is completely EVIL.
6. I went to three different colleges but never graduated from any of them.
5. I'm a workaholic.
4. I'm on the Presidents Christmas Card List.
3. I adhere to Jewish dietary laws.
2. I cannot write about myself in the third person as much as I would like to try.
1. Jesus is my homeboy.

I was wondering, if Paris Hilton is carrying around a ferret, do you think I should be carrying a groundhog?

I'm usually at work. I don't have too much happening these days outside of work. Fortunately, or unfortunately (depending how you look at it) I work in a very public place.

People are always coming up to me and touching me. People I don't know. They stand way too close, touch my arm or my back, and generally make me uncomfortable. I usually let them get away with touching my arm if they are really old. What can I do? I don't want to be a "rude little whipper-snapper" ya know?

One day this older woman, hugged me and put her head to mine. She was probably 70 years old. I just held my breath and plastered on a fake smile. I literaly froze, I couldn't move. I had known her for a total of two minutes. I think if I had known her a few moments longer she may have slipped me the tongue.

Some people are just born without knowing where the physical barriers should be. For others, I think the space shrinks as they get older. Personally, I would prefer to remain at arms length from everyone with the exception of my close friends and family. One day I may relax and get used to people touching me, but until then I'm keeping my mouth tightly closed.

Dreams are funny things. Sometimes they are visions from above, and sometimes they come from other places. This one, I think is a mixture of watching Problem Child yesterday and some of my insecurities. There were nuns and an orphanage in the movie, and I would like to make more humanitarian efforts.

Last night I had a dream that I met Mother Teresa. She was in a sleeping bag at an orphanage and I gave her a hug and squeezed her arm in adoration. Her arm was real skinny.

In my dream, my fiance worked in Pac Sun. (He's a mechanic in real life so go figure.) Well, Mother Teresa went into Pac Sun to get some ROXY underwear. They were something Raquel Welch would have worn and were UGG inspired. They were all fuzzy, cute, and definitely sexy. Since my fiance was working, she was asking him to help her pick out the right pair for her. I think she was going someplace on a mission that was real cold.

I was so confused. On one hand, it's Mother Teresa, on the other hand it's Mother Teresa! My fiance is picking out sexy underwear with Mother Teresa. How am I supposed to feel about that?

Then I woke up, and was confused. It's now three hours later and I'm still confused. I feel so traumatized. My mind knows this didn't happen and it's really funny. ROXY doesn't even make that kind of underwear. Sheesh!

I was watching Oprah today, and she asked Jay Leno "When did you get your first laugh?" His response was "When I was four years old." After he told the story he made this comment "When you get a reaction from adults and you don't know why, but you know you got a reaction it sticks with you."

Immediately I remembered when I got my first laugh. I was five years old. I told my mother this joke, I don't even remember where I had heard it, but I thought it had a nice ring to it.

"Knock Knock"
My Mom said "Who's There?"
"Madam"
of course my Mom said "Madam who?"
I said "Ma dam foots caught in the door."

First my Mom was shocked, then she started laughing, then she said "Who told you that?" I was so happy after that I would tell it to every single adult I would see. I even told it to my teacher. She didn't laugh. She just looked shocked. Shocked was good enough for me. I never even knew what it meant, I just knew I got a reaction, a laugh, and sometimes they would even cover their mouth, so I kept telling it for years.

"World Vision, the Christian relief and development organization, has partnered with EMI Christian Music Group to offer the WOW Hits 2006 Double CD Set AT NO ADDITIONAL COST to anyone who gives a gift of $20 or more."

So you can do good and get a great CD. I have WOW Hits 2005 and it rocks. I'm gettin' me some 2006.

It's no secret that I am a Bush supporter. Me and W go way back. So I thought I would make some comments on The Presidents Video Teleconference with the US Troops from the 42nd Infantry Division, and one Iraqi Sargeant Major from 4th Iraqi Army Division.

I think it may have been somewhat scripted. But my guess would be that it was more like everyone was prepped. I'm sure that it was confusing with the delay you have with Satellite. There is a lag time that can make it confusing.

The President was obviously a bit nervous. And wouldn't you be? His approval rating is at an all time low. The media is always reporting with their liberal slant making him out to be a tyrant. This was his chance to prove them wrong. In my opinion he did save face. We are accomplishing a lot of things in Iraq. Saddam Hussein was the tyrant. Thank God he is out of there and things are getting better.

I was so glued to the TV while I was watching this. My favorite part was when when 4th Sergeant Major Akeel Shaker Nassir from the 4th Iraqi Army Division thanked the President and said "I like you" with his Iraqi accent, that was the most endearing.

I thought the teleconference was really sweet, and once again I was proud to be an American.

If you missed todays Video Teleconference you can view it or read the transcript here.

Whenever I go through something rough with another person, I like to make a joke out of it and make "It should have been a sign" lists. This list however, is not for myself.

This list is for all of the men out there who thought they were getting a woman and it turned out to be a man.

So your chick's a dude? Well, it should have been a sign when:

She had an adams apple
Her hands were as big as or bigger than yours
She had a five o'clock shadow
She was much prettier than the women you could ever date
She was very forward and flirtatious
She was too good to be true
She put too much emphasis on her appearance
She shaves her arms
She had giant feet to match her man hands
She had the best hair, ever
Hormone pills in the medicine cabinet

I know I am making a joke out of it, but I've seen some men devastated when they found out the beautiful flower that they were romancing had a stamen.

I've never been one for small talk. For some reason lately I've been prone to the old how are you? I never liked asking that question unless I want an honest answer.
I don't like to say words just to say them, they have to mean something.

Classic small talk: Hi, how are you? Fine thanks, and you? In Spanish: Hola, como esta? Bien, y tu? Blah blah blah it goes on and on. I think the best way to avoid the small talk rut is to give honest answers and ask honest questions. In a word, care.

Someone recognized me from my commercial today. OK, so it is someone I know and the commercial is only local. I've been sporadically trying to break into show business for as long as I can remember. Something has always come up and it didn't work out.

Once, I was cast on a show that was formerly called "The jury is in". We shot the pilot had lots of fun and planned our new lives. Too bad they wrote my part right out of the show. I was on the jury. They changed the name too. It is now called Judge Hatchett.

It's pretty exciting to finally get to do a commercial even if it is only at the local level. I can at least add it to my resume. I guess the reason most people never achieve their dreams is because we don't believe in ourselves enough to follow them.

I had a friend from Germany. When she found out I didn't believe in evolution, she decided that I was an idiot and an inferior human being. Our friendship deteriorated quickly after that. Even though evolution is only a theory based on no facts what so ever, she hates me because I believe the bible.

If you look at a snowflake, you must realize it wasn't caused by an explosion It was designed. Do you know of any explosion that caused order? I didn't think so.

I am half Polish, and my family had to change their last name in fear of Adolph Hitler. If he knew they were Polish he would have killed them in an oven, made slaves out of them, or used them for scientific experiments. Do you know why? Because in Hitler's opinion, we were more ape like and not as evolved as the pure Aryan race that he was breeding.

You see, Hitler was a believer in Evolution. Because of that theory us Poles and Jews were just animals. That way, he didn't feel guilty about the mass murder. If we are not people, then it is not a crime to kill us. When you believe the lie of evolution, slavery doesn't seem so bad. With that mentality you think you're doing them a favor, they are learning your "civilized" ways. You are actually gracing us less evolved "animals" with your presence. We are not really human after all, but more like apes.

I despise racism, in any way shape or form. God created us all equal. No one is better than the other. But, if you believe in evolution then you too may think some races are more "evolved" than others, and that my friends is simply not true. Lets be frank here, if you are racist, you feel another race is "inferior" to yours. Think about why you feel that way. What you find may surprise you.

For more information on creation as opposed to evolution I suggest you check out creationevidence.org Dr. Carl Baugh, the director is a brilliant scientist and creationist. He is truly fascinating in the way he teaches God's creation model. It's wise to get the facts before you make your decision on creation or evolution. Once you know the facts then you can draw your own informed conclusion.

So last night I guess I caught the encore presentation of Britney and Kevin's E! True Hollywood Story. I kept waiting for it to get interesting so I was flipping back and forth between that and Roseanne. It was the episode where Dan finds out David was living with Darlene in her apartment at School. I had already seen that episode multiple times so that should tell you how interesting Brit n' Kev's story was.

I guess my main complaint here is that the Media is shoving Kevin Federline down our throats. I don't find him interesting and I find Britney even less interesting because of her husband. Does the media think we are puppets who can't think for ourselves?

I was waiting for a hypnotist to flash on the screen and say that I was getting very sleepy and that Kevin Federline is an interesting person, and I will buy his record. Hey wait a second, I was getting very sleepy but I guess it didn't work because I still feel uninterested in Kevin Federline. But I sure am hungry for some Cheetos.

No really, it aint no joke. My Fiance' and I went out to dinner at our favorite restaurant to celabrate the 50th Post to my blog. I've decided to get on board Shai Coggins 1000 Posts Wannabe Club project. 51 posts down (including this one) and 949 to go. Woo hoo!